


into the night

by velvetmagnolias



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blink and you’ll miss it, But it’s more like, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I’ve forgotten how to tag help, M/M, Mentions of Marlene/Dorcas, Mentions of homophobia, Okay now I’m done, Sirius Black and Lily Evans friendship, Sirius family is shitty what else is new, Tags Are Fun, because f/f pairings are my fave, because i love them, mentions of abuse, okay i’m done, tag tag tag, wait i forgot - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24000043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velvetmagnolias/pseuds/velvetmagnolias
Summary: “You can choose your family, you know,” Lily says once. And Sirius does.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 11
Kudos: 107





	into the night

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I’ve written a thing. A probably shitty thing but I love it please enjoy
> 
> Also, titles from I Think We’re Alone Now, because alas I suck at titles and the shuffle button is my best friend

Sirius runs away from home three days before Christmas with nothing but the clothes on his back and the wand in his pocket. There's an ache in his chest where his mother's curse hit him, where her words pierced right through his heart. Y _ou are no son of mine, you are a disgrace to the family name, a worthless, useless blood traitor, you mean nothing to me,_ but he tries not to think about it. 

He shows up at the Potters, dripping wet from the storm raging outside and a bleeding, gaping hole in his chest where his heart used to be. James opens the door and he's smiling when he sees him but then he’s not, he’s frowning as he pulls him in away from the rain, looks at him in concern. 

“Mate?” James asks at the same time Mrs Potter who he's only now noticing lets out a soft, “ _Son_?”and Sirius, he shrugs, kicks a little at the carpet under his feet.

“Got into another row with Mother,” he says, trying to sound nonchalant even as his voice breaks. “She gave me an ultimatum and when I refused she threatened to have me blasted off that bloody tapestry of hers. Told her to go right ahead and I was bloody well done with all of them and she could just fuck off.”

His hands are shaking and James is staring at him, he can feel his eyes on him but Sirius can’t bring himself to look up, just stares at a spot on the floor as if it holds all the answers he’s looking for. He takes another deep breath. 

“Left before she could stop me and realised I don’t really have anywhere else to go. Was hoping I could stay here, if that’s all right.” 

For a second there’s nothing but silence that seems to stretch on for seconds that feel like hours, years and then there’s James in front of him, pulling him into a hug that almost hurts. 

“Of course, mate,” James says as he pulls away, “you’re always welcome here, you know that.” 

James looks at him and doesn’t say anything about the bags under his eyes, the cut on his lip, the way Sirius winces when he pulls away, rubs his chest absentmindedly. He doesn’t say anything but Sirius can see the way his mouth sets into a firm line when he thinks he’s not looking, the way his hazel eyes pull down at the corners. 

It’s Mrs Potter who pulls him aside after a much gentler hug that makes Sirius’ eyes sting, Mrs Potter who cleans him up and patches him down and mends his broken bones, Mrs Potter who after sits him down and holds his face gently between frail, soft hands. 

“You are always welcome here, son,” she says and Sirius swallows hard against the knot forming at the back of his throat. “Fleamont and I both mean it when we say that this is your home, too.” 

She gives him a soft smile before reaching up to place a gentle kiss on his forehead and all he can do is blink, because he’s still not used to this, to anyone showing him affection even after almost six years of knowing the Potters. He doesn’t say anything, can’t even whisper out the thank you lodged in his throat but he hopes Mrs Potter knows that he is, hopes she understands how much he appreciates her, appreciates them.

The way she gently squeezes his hand as she gives him another soft smile lets him know that she does.

* * *

  
Whenever he thinks about it, thinks about everything the Potters have done for him, he’ll feel his chest constrict with a feeling he can't quite describe or understand. 

“Love,” Remus says one day when Sirius tells him between a bottle of butterbeer, giving him that annoyed, fond look he seems to reserve just for him. “You love the Potters, idiot.” 

Love, Sirius thinks, tasting the word on his lips and then he looks at Remus, sad, tired brown eyes and he wonders.

* * *

  
Lily has dark ginger hair and vibrant green eyes that crinkle at the corners when she smiles and when she looks at you it’s like she’s actually seeing you and nothing else matters. Sirius still remembers being twelve and finding her crying over another one of her sister’s letters and he didn’t know anything about sisters but he was well versed in being the black sheep of the family, so he’d taken a seat next to her, let her vent out her frustrations.

“Your sister is wrong, you know. I think you’re wonderful,” he had told her after, and Lily had given him a watery smile, sad eyes shining like bright, big emeralds. 

He floos her that night after the Potters have gone to bed, Sirius reassuring James over and over that he was “fine James, I promise”. She’s become one of his best mates, someone to vent to and who can maybe understand where he’s coming from. 

“You were always too good for them anyway,” Lily says, and it’s easy for Sirius to see why James is in love with her even if he doesn’t realise it yet. He remembers wondering once, heart lodged in his throat, briefly, if maybe he was in love with her, too. But then he had caught a quick glimpse of sandy hair from the corner of his eye and he realised that no, maybe not. 

“Mother would disagree.” 

“Well your mother is stupid.” 

“Oi. That’s my mother,” Sirius says weakly, a sad attempt at a joke and Lily laughs softly. 

“There’s a muggle saying, you know. _The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb_ ,” she says, smiles when Sirius looks at her curiously. “It means that the bonds of the family you choose are stronger than the ones you are born into. You can choose your family, you know, despite what anyone says.” 

He mulls over it quietly, thinks of Fleamont and Euphemia so warm and bright and inviting, thinks of his own parents so cold and indifferent. He thinks of James sleeping in the room next to his, door unlocked just in case Sirius needs anything, James who had insisted on sleeping in the same room as him until Sirius had assured him it wasn’t necessary, thinks of Regulus hiding behind locked doors when Mother has had too much of Sirius and his insolence and the wand comes out and the curses start flying. 

“Always was more of a Potter anyway,” Sirius agrees softly and he can’t miss the way Lily smiles at that, fond and eyes warm and he wonders if maybe James isn’t the only one who hasn’t noticed yet. 

* * *

  
He wakes up the next day with the rest of his stuff set neatly in the sitting room, waiting for him when he goes down for breakfast. 

“Good morning, love,” Mrs Potter says as she hangs up her traveling cloak, a self satisfied smile playing on her lips. “Sleep well?” 

Sirius hears the question but he can’t think past the fact that all his stuff is here and how did she do it? Mrs Potter gives him a mischievous wink when she sees him staring in disbelief, and Sirius can see where James gets it from.

“Your mother and I had several words,” she says simply, like if it were no big deal and Sirius can’t help but bark out an incredulous laugh. “Breakfast, lovies?” 

She heads to the kitchen and Sirius can’t help but stare after her in awe. James pats his back comfortingly. “Don't look too surprised, mate. You know Mum doesn’t mess around when it comes to her boys.” 

_Her boys_ , Sirius thinks and his heart, it glows.

* * *

  
Remus stops him as he’s coming off the train after the holidays. 

“I heard what happened,” Remus says and his eyes are sad but warm. There are new scars running down the side of his face, into his neck and not for the first time does Sirius want to reach over, wonders how they’d feel under his hands, how they’d feel under his lips. He knows Remus hates them, but Sirius can’t help but be drawn to them, fascinated by them.

Warrior scars, Sirius had told him once and Remus had rolled his eyes at him fondly. 

“Was hoping to tell you in person,” he says and Remus shrugs. 

“Word travels fast,” he says, pauses, then, “I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not,” Sirius snorts and Remus laughs. “You’ve been trying to get me out of that house for years. You hate my mother.”

“I do,” Remus agrees, “but I like you. And I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“Yeah, well.” Sirius shrugs and he hopes it’s as nonchalant as he thinks. “Nothing I can do about it now. At least I still have James and Lily and Peter. And you.” 

“And me,” he murmurs and there’s something in his eyes that Sirius doesn’t quite understand, can’t quite pinpoint but it makes something warm spread in his chest. “You’ll always have me.” 

* * *

  
He’s fifteen the first time he thinks about, really wonders what it would be like to kiss his best friend. He’s fifteen and there's a bottle of cheap muggle rum James had managed to nick from Filch’s office passing between them.

He had hated the taste and the way it burned at the back of his throat but he liked the way it made him feel loose and free in a way he had never experienced before. Peter was the first to give in and fall asleep, followed closely by James and then there was just Remus and Sirius and an empty bottle of rum. 

Remus had hardly touched the drink they had poured out for him and one look at the visible waxing moon was all the confirmation Sirius had needed. Remus was always angsty the closer to the full moon they got and it had been no different then; Sirius could see the way Remus fidgeted, the way he pulled his lips between his teeth and Sirius wondered how it’d feel to press his lips against the other boy’s, wondered if they’d be as soft and sweet as they looked. 

He’d wondered and he hadn’t realised he was staring until Remus had said, “You alright there, mate?” 

Sirius had blinked, grey eyes finding brown in the dark. _I was thinking about kissing you, he wanted to say,_ and _I think I might be in love with you._

“Then why don’t you?” Remus had said quietly and Sirius hadn’t realised he had spoken the first part out loud.

“Would you let me?” he asked and Remus had shrugged. 

The moment had stretched between them, and it had felt charged, like electricity clinging at the air between them and there was an ache in the pit of his belly that almost hurt. Something like anticipation and want settled in his bones and Sirius could almost taste it, could feel his heart racing, Remus’ breath ghosting over his own but then James was stirring awake and the spell was broken. They had sprung apart, Remus’ eyes looking anywhere but him and Sirius could feel the disappointment weighing him down like a heavy cloak. 

It still weighs him down even now, if he thinks about it too much.

* * *

  
Marlene starts dating Dorcas three weeks after the start of their second term and Sirius can’t help but feel a little jealous at how easy they make it seem. 

“How did you know?” Sirius asks Marlene and Marlene, she smiles, dark eyes twinkling as she looks at him.

“How did I know I fancy girls or how did I know that I fancy one girl in particular?”

Sirius shrugs. “Both. Neither. I don’t know.”

Marlene laughs softly, says, “It’s just something I’ve always known. It wasn’t like I woke up one day and decided to start fancying girls. Just kind of always did.” 

“And Dorcas?” 

“I only started really noticing her maybe last year? But I think it’s always been there, I think I’ve always known, deep down that I fancy her.” She pauses for a moment, looks at him with an expression that is unreadable. “Any reason you’re asking?”

“Not in particular,” he says and he can see she doesn’t believe him, but she smiles, doesn’t say anything about it.

She doesn’t say anything about it, but there’s a knowing glint in her eyes like she knows more than Sirius is willing to admit. 

* * *

  
Sirius drags Lily with him down to Quidditch practice sometimes and Lily will grumble and groan and she always threatens him that it’s the last time she goes but Sirius knows she’s only lying; he’s seen the way she looks at James when she thinks no one is looking. She always brings a book with her and it always ends up forgotten in the empty seat next to her halfway through practice. 

Today is no different except this time something about the title catches his attention and he nudges her softly. 

“So, _Quidditch Through the Ages_?”

“Just thought I should at least learn about it if you’re going to keep dragging me down here,” she says with a shrug, tucking a stray curl behind her ear and Sirius knows her enough to know that it’s a nervous habit. 

“Or you could always ask the bloke himself,” he offers in a teasing tone and Sirius doesn’t miss the way she blushes. She shoves his shoulder playfully even as she laughs and he knows she knows what he means. “I’m sure he’d be more than happy to teach you.”

“Don’t you dare tell him, Black. Don’t need his head inflating any further.” 

“Wouldn’t dare,” he says, smiles. “I quite like my nose bat-bogey free. And also, you absolutely terrify me.”

Lily laughs loudly at that, calls him an idiot. She calls him an idiot but looks at him fondly and Sirius will blame that for pushing him to say, “Lily, I’m gay.” 

Lily’s smile doesn’t falter, she just looks at him for a long moment and he remembers that she’s still the smartest person he’s ever met, the brightest witch Hogwarts has ever seen, without a doubt. He’s not biased.

“I know,” she murmurs finally and Sirius can feel the breath he’s been holding being released. She reaches over and takes his hand, rests her head against his shoulder. “You’re still the same annoying, insufferable twat.”

 _She knows,_ he thinks, and _I’ll watch her rule the world one day._

* * *

  
James tells him one day, “You know I love you like a brother, right?” Sirius nods slowly, looks at him curiously, waits for James to continue. “And you know I only want you to be happy.” 

Sirius frowns as he nods again because he’s not sure where James is going with this and then he’s seeing a flash of red hair and he thinks, _oh_. He thinks, fondly, _idiot_.

“Prongs, mate-it’s not like that.” He looks at James seriously because he wants him to understand. “I’m not interested in her like that. Lily, she’s like a sister.”

James looks at him cautiously as if he’s trying to make sure Sirius isn’t lying for his sake and Sirius can’t help but feel his chest constricting because James is a bloody idiot but he’s Sirius’ idiot of a brother and well. He can’t help the laugh that escapes him. 

“Oi, don’t laugh you twit,” James says but Sirius can tell the way his shoulders relax, can see the small hopeful smile that creeps up on his face. 

“‘Sides, don’t think I’m her type. She’s more into blokes who play Quidditch,” he says casually; he’d told Lily he wouldn’t tell James but it’s not really telling, if he leaves James to connect the dots for himself. He waits for James to catch up and James does, grin so big it threatens to take over his face. He takes a deep breath. “And I’m more into the quiet, studious ones.” 

It takes James a minute to understand what he means and then his smile softens and Sirius, he never had a doubt in his mind that James would accept him, but the confirmation is always nice.

“Anyone I know?” James asks and Sirius shrugs, managing not to look at Remus, but just barely.

“Perhaps.”

* * *

  
It’s not that he’s avoiding Regulus, except for the fact that he kind of is. He avoids him until he can’t, until Regulus is standing outside the Great Hall and Sirius would almost think he was waiting for him, if he didn’t know any better. 

“Sirius,” Regulus says, and he looks at James and Sirius understands. He understands but so does James, and he squeezes his arm, only leaving after Sirius nods. 

“Regulus,” he says, his brother falling into step easily beside him. “Is there anything you need?”

“Does there have to be a reason for me seeking you out?” he asks, and he sounds the tiniest bit reproachful. “Can’t I just want to talk to my only brother?”  
  
Sirius can see the way Regulus toys nervously with the Black family ring that had once found a home on Sirius’ own fingers. He can’t help notice the way it seems to fit him; Regulus has always worn the Black family name better than Sirius ever could.

“Mother insisted,” he says when he notices and he sounds almost embarrassed. He pauses, as if he’s trying to gauge Sirius’ reaction at the mention of their mother; Sirius says nothing, stares straight ahead and keeps walking. “She was in a right state after you left, you know.” 

“After I left or after she threw me out?” Sirius asks and he doesn’t mean to sound so bitter.

“You’re not being fair to Mother, Sirius,” Regulus says and that, it rips a scornful laugh out of Sirius. He can see what his brother is doing, and that, it makes him see red. 

“Oh I’m not being fair to her? I suppose next you’ll be telling me she only hexed me all those times because she loves me.”

“She does love you, you just can’t see it.”

“Well then, I suppose you and I both have very different versions of what love is. Because love isn’t that Regulus, whatever it is Mother feels, it isn’t love.” 

This time it’s Regulus’ turn to laugh, his tone derisive when he talks. “Who are you to talk about love? All you know is how to turn your back on your family!” 

Sirius takes a step back, feels like he’s been slapped. “Family? You think this is a family?” He laughs, even as he shakes his head. “A family is supposed to accept you how you are, no matter what. A family doesn’t look to change you, doesn’t demand that you hide who you are! We have never been a family, Regulus!”

“Only because you never wanted it to be,” Regulus accuses, grey eyes so alike his own flashing in anger. “You’ve always fought Mother, fought all of us at every twist and turn. Even now you fight me without reason! You’ve always thought yourself higher and better and mightier than the rest of us. Running off every chance you got to that blasted, dirty blood traitor of a family-”

“Don’t you dare talk about the Potters like that,” Sirius hisses, his hand wrapping tightly around his wand before he can process it; Regulus catches the motion and he laughs, scornful and venomous. 

“Or what? You’ll curse me?” He gives him a mocking smile, eyes flashing in defiance. “You wouldn’t dare curse your own brother.” 

“I wouldn’t,” he agrees, and Sirius remembers Regulus, small and innocent as he followed him around Grimmauld Place, remembers being six and vowing to protect him as his mother forced him to pour over Ancient Dark books full of Dark curses that still make his skin crawl, when he thinks about them. He remembers and wonders if maybe he was wrong, if maybe having shielded Regulus from the horrors of their family name growing up had done more harm than good. Because it might be Regulus standing in front of him, but it’s Mother’s words he throws at him, Mother’s ideologies he’s bought into. He can feel his anger dissipating slowly as he takes another step back, and something inside him aches. “But you’re no brother of mine.”

* * *

  
His father, a proud businessman through and through, knows the Black name is his deadliest weapon and wields it well. His mother, beautiful and dangerous, a marionette pulling at the strings to bend to her will from the shadows, wraps the family name around her shoulders, wears it proudly. To them blood status is everything, and he knows he’s supposed to follow in his footsteps. 

“You are a Black,” and it’s Bellatrix who whispers this once against his cheek, dagger pressing at his throat. He’s twelve and a Gryffindor and completely terrified of Bellatrix. His mother behind them says nothing, eyes impassive and cold. “No matter how much you fight it, how much you try to deny it, you will always be a Black. _Toujours_ _Pur_ , little cousin. Never forget. Do you understand?” 

He nods, small body shaking and Bellatrix, she laughs, presses the dagger harder. “ _Toujours_ _Pur_. Say it.”

“ _Toujours_ _Pur_ ,” he whispers back, and throws up. 

* * *

  
The Astronomy Tower is always quiet and peaceful and the view is always something to marvel at. 

“Makes you realise how insignificant we really are, doesn’t it?” Lily had asked him once and Sirius is only now starting to understand.

It’s where Sirius comes to think, comes to be alone with his thoughts during those restless nights where sleep taunts him like an unreachable thing. It’s where he escapes to after his confrontation with Regulus, hands still shaking and heart lodged in his throat. 

There’s a stash of alcohol hidden somewhere in the tower, a growing collection from generations of rebellious students and he nicks the first one he sees, intent on drinking until he can’t feel anymore. Alcohol ruins you, someone had whispered to him once and he’s since forgotten, but he had laughed even then, because what more could it ruin? 

“Hey,” someone whispers, breaking through the fog clouding his mind and Sirius blinks at the bottle of brandy in his hands. Remus sits next to him, gently nudging his thigh with his own. His body radiates warmth, comfort; Sirius hadn’t realised how cold he is.

He expects him to say something, reprimand him maybe for drinking during a school night, for being out so close to curfew but Remus doesn’t, just reaches over for the brandy. He takes a drink, face scrunching up in distaste as the liquor burns his throat. They sit in silence that stretches comfortably between them and Sirius knows what he’s doing, knows that Remus is giving him the option to say as little or as much as he wants. It’s something he’s always liked about Remus, likes that he never takes, never pushes for more than Sirius is willing to give. 

“How did you know I was here?” Sirius finally asks, voice a little gruff and Remus shrugs. 

“Saw you talking with your brother, knew you’d be here when you didn’t show up for dinner.” He presses closer to Sirius, and he smells like ink and parchment, smells faintly of trees after it rains, like warm summer days, like Remus. “You’ve always had a thing for the night sky.”

“Helps me think,” he says with a shrug, then, “do you think I made a mistake? 

He doesn’t need to clarify what he means; he knows Remus knows, in that quiet, Remus way he always seems to know. “That depends. Do you think you made a mistake?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know anymore.” Remus says nothing, just looks at him quietly, waiting for him to continue. “It’s just. It feels like I could have fought harder, could’ve tried harder to get Reg to understand. He’s not-he’s a good kid, better than the rest of the family. Uncle Alphard, he always used to say that Reg could still be saved, could still be brought around. But I was always too busy fighting Mother, running away from who she expected me to be that I didn’t notice him until it was too late. I feel like I failed him, somehow.” 

“You could have,” Remus murmurs and he’s so close that Sirius could kiss him if he turned his head, just a little. He wants to kiss him; he’s so drunk. “But in the end, it was always up to Regulus. He made his own choices.” 

“Life sucks,” Sirius says and the sky suddenly feels too close, too suffocating; he feels like he’s drowning and he just wants to let go and make it stop.

“It does,” Remus agrees, takes his hand in his. He’s warm, and Sirius is cold, so cold and he can’t help but think how foul and bitter his mouth tastes, how he probably reeks of alcohol and bad decisions, smells like the failure his Mother always knew he was. 

When he starts to cry Remus says nothing, just pulls him to his chest and lets him weep. 

* * *

  
Lily drags him to a corner of the common room where they’ll at least be granted some sense of privacy, with the excuse of working on their Transfiguration essay, says, “You should tell him.” 

Sirius doesn’t ask who because he knows she’s smart, observant, knows she’s probably always known, probably knew before Sirius himself realised. It’s been two days and Sirius still can’t stop thinking about Remus, about the night in the tower, about kissing him. He was open and raw in a way he’s never been with anyone else and Remus, he hadn’t judged him, hadn’t told him he was wrong, had just listened and let him cry, wiped his tears with hands so gentle and warm and well. He doesn’t mean to stare. 

“You should tell James,” he counters and to her credit, Lily doesn’t even blink, just stares at him, eyes green and brighter than they’ve ever been.

“He offered to give me Quidditch lessons, actually,” she says, throwing a piece of parchment at him when he looks away, can’t hide his smile. “I know you had something to do with it, you dolt. I’m not mad. I said yes.” 

“About time,” Sirius snorts and that explains the reason James had been almost vibrating before Lily dragged him away. 

Lily shrugs. “Figured I should give him a chance.” She pauses, her voice softening, says again, “You should tell him.”

Sirius sighs, “It’s not that simple, Lil. Remus-he’s just so-Remus. And I’m-I just think he deserves so much better than I can ever be.”

“I think Remus would disagree. I think you know you’re being stupid,” she says, let’s out a sigh when Sirius still won’t look at her. “Just promise me you’ll at least think about it, yeah?” 

Sirius looks up, and a pair of tired, warm brown eyes meet his own; Remus smiles, looks away and there’s a tinge of red colouring his cheeks. “Yeah,” he promises, takes a deep breath. “Okay.”

* * *

  
The weekend rolls around and suddenly James can’t make it to Hogsmeade. 

“Sorry, Pads, but I promised Evans I’d help her with her essay,” James says and Sirius knows he means to sound apologetic but the way he’s grinning ruins it. Sirius doesn’t bother pointing out that he knows Lily already finished it days ago. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

He doesn’t mention it to James but he looks at Lily accusingly, says, “Traitor.” 

Lily just smiles sweetly, tugs his hair playfully. “Should’ve kept your mouth shut.” 

“I’ve got a date,” Peter says with a shrug, while Marlene just laughs at him and pulls a grinning Dorcas away and then there’s just Sirius and Remus. 

“We can always go together,” Remus offers and Sirius nods and ignores the smug look Lily gives him. 

It’s not the first time they spend a weekend at Hogsmeade together and it’s always nice, being able to spend time with Remus. Remus, he’s funny and witty and sarcastic in a way that always seems to go over most people’s heads. He’s also the kindest person Sirius has ever met, has a way of making him feel comfortable and safe in a way he’s never felt before. Remus has a way of making him feel seen and valid, like he matters.

Later when he thinks about it, he’ll point that as the reason that he turns to Remus, says, “Mother wanted to force me into an arranged marriage.” 

Remus’ steps falter only a little, doesn’t say anything as he turns to look at Sirius, waits for him to continue. 

“Alecto Carrow. She was adamant we were to be married as soon as I graduated. Threw a fit when I refused. That was the reason for the fight that night.” 

“I’m sorry, Pads,” Remus whispers, his hand brushing against his; Sirius wants so bad to reach out and take it, wants Remus to hold him, wants to make a home for himself in his arms. He wants so much but he doesn’t know how. 

“That was the reason for the fight, but it’s not the reason she kicked me out.” He takes a deep breath. “She demanded I give her a good reason why not, all but threatened to disown me if I didn’t go through with it. So. I gave her one. Apparently she could live with a Muggle-loving blood traitor of a son but having a homosexual Muggle-loving blood traitor of a son was were she drew the line.” 

“Pads,” Remus breathes, and his voice is quieter than before and Sirius swallows against the familiar knot forming in his throat. 

“I’m telling you this because I need you to understand. I need you to understand that I have nothing. I have no money, a family who hates me, and no place to call my own. I have nothing to offer you and I know you deserve better and yet. I want to be the one to give you everything, I want,” he stops because he doesn’t know what he wants. He wants everything. He wants Remus. He wants to kiss him so badly, but doesn’t. 

He doesn’t but Remus does, closes the distance between them, takes advantage of Sirius’ silence to press his lips against his. Sirius drops the bag he’s been holding and a bottle of ink explodes all over their feet and he doesn’t care. Remus tastes like the tea he had at breakfast and the tiniest hint of chocolate and his lips are soft and rough and sweet. 

“You’re an idiot,” Remus breathes against his lips when they pull back for air, rests his forehead against Sirius’. But he’s smiling and his voice is fond. 

“Yeah but I’m your idiot,” Sirius says tentatively and Remus just laughs, leans down to kiss him again. 

* * *

  
“About time,” Lily whispers after, when they finally make it back to the castle and she smiles, soft and fond. 

James doesn’t say anything, just smiles and his eyes say it all. I just want you to be happy, he had said once and Sirius knows it’s no different now. Marlene catches his eye and winks while Peter just shrugs, looks at them bluntly and says, “Just don’t shag on my bed or I’ll hex you both,” which makes Sirius laugh, loud and carefree and he feels light, happier than he has in a long time. 

Later, he’ll sit in the common room surrounded by all his friends, Lily and Marlene arguing loudly with James over a game of Exploding Snap while Dorcas and Peter just watch and laugh. 

Remus pulls him closer and Sirius loves the way he can fit comfortably beside him, loves the way Remus’ long limbs wrap around him. Sirius, he’s always wanted to be big and loud, loves filling any room he’s in, but now he can’t remember why, can’t remember why he’d ever want to be anywhere that wasn’t pressed to Remus’ side.

“You were wrong, you know,” Remus murmurs against his hair, pulls him closer.

“About?” he asks, and he can feel Remus smiling as he presses his lips to the top of his head. 

“About your family hating you.” 

He doesn’t say it but Sirius knows what he means. He laughs as Lily turns James’ hair an alarming shade of green, thinks of countless nights spent like this, surrounded by his friends, thinks of the way they all seem to fit together even if they shouldn’t. You can choose your family, Lily had told him once, what felt like a lifetime ago and he smiles because he has. 

This is his family, mismatched pieces and all. And they’re perfect. He smiles.

“Yeah. I guess I was.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, hello again! You made it to the end, hope you enjoyed it. If you feel like leaving a review or a comment I’d love that just be kind pls because I am sensitive and might cry lol anyway thank you for reading!


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